Thursday, September 6, 2012

Hashing Again

This week’s invitation for a Grenada Hash House Harrier’s (H3) walk/run #743 said, “Trails:  Walkers about an hour, not too hilly.”

Photo courtesy of Brian Steele
I feel that they prevaricate.  Note the gentleman attempting to lower himself into the valley using a vine.  I attempted the same maneuver and discovered that the vine was not rated for 180 pounds.  Therefore, I am going betray the ugly secrets of Grenada H3, or as one of our minimum wage workers once said, “spill the peas.”
 
Photo courtesy of Brian Steele
Most hashes start with a berating from diabolical Hashmaster known as “Soft Wood,” who promises the survivors of the hash an opportunity to buy beer and chicken.
 
Photo courtesy of Brian Steele
But, before we are thrown into the jungle, Soft Wood and his minions search the hashers looking for unsuspecting victims whose only crime is wearing a pair of new shoes to a hike.
 
Photo courtesy of Brian Steele
The victims are then forced to drink a beer from their left shoe as some sort of voodoo-science breaking in ceremony.  Hardly the way one wants to receive a free beer.
Photo courtesy of Brian Steele
Other hashers, much younger than your poor author, experienced difficulty with what was advertized as, “not too hilly.”
 
 
Photo courtesy of Brian Steele
The victims of this cruel ruse soon discovered that the trail not only led you into the valley;
 
But, then you had to climb back out.
 
Photo courtesy of Brian Steele
The victims of this subterfuge are generally nice people.  They stop and pet puppies.
 
 
Obviously the organizers of this abomination had little regard for our personal hygiene.  
 
Some however fared better than others.
 
Photo courtesy of Brian Steele
Upon safely returning to base camp, the “virgins,” or first time hashers were encouraged to give, Wendy, a young lady whose only crime was visiting from Orange County California, a group hug.
 
Photo courtesy of Brian Steele
At which time they were summarily doused with copious amounts of beer in some sort of barbaric cleansing ceremony.
 
Photo courtesy of Brian Steele
As if that was not enough, these two fine young men were called out and berated in front of the crowd.  The one on the left’s crime was taking his mother’s empty bag from her box wine of Cardboardeaux and making a CamelBak hydration system.  The other gentleman’s crime was simply choosing to run barefoot through the jungle.
 
Photo courtesy of Brian Steele
For their alleged transgressions, they were renamed “Queasy” and “Camel Toe,” and forced to drink beer from a urinal and chamber pot while beer is sprayed on them.  The most undignified ceremony I have ever witnessed. 
 
Photo courtesy of Brian Steele
Now that I have spilled the peas, I am sure the Grenada H3 organizers will shape up and fly right.  Even if they are not sufficiently shamed by this posting, I will return next week because hashing is a great way to see the beautiful island of Grenada.

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